


The Bus

by clubstocrews23



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Healing, Light Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22207066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clubstocrews23/pseuds/clubstocrews23
Summary: Robbe opens up to his friends about his near suicide attempt.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 2
Kudos: 180





	The Bus

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for your kind comments and kudos. I love you all dearly :)

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Jens wasn’t very upset that Robbe didn’t like the hangout he had planned. Really, he supposed he should have known that his best friend wasn’t one for breaking and entering in the name of stupid teenage fun. Sander told him that they broke into a pool once, where they ended up kissing, and Robbe fought Sander the entire way through for fear of illegality. If he wouldn’t follow Sander, how could Jens compare?

Moyo and Aaron lived within walking distance of the waterfront and the pier; that was part of the reason why Jens thought jumping the fence would be so nice. It was a close hangout spot, convenient, and beautiful at night when the lights of the city reflected off the churning waters. Robbe had taken one look at their destination and decided he would not take a step closer to it, volunteering to take the bus home by himself and allowing the party to continue without him. Unnecessary, of course. They all boarded the bus together, regardless of need.

“Sorry,” Jens whispered across the aisle, careful not to disturb a sleeping stranger in the seat ahead. “Next time we’ll pick a better spot.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Robbe whispered back. “It’s not your fault.”

Jens watched him lean his head against Sander’s shoulder, closing his eyes as if to fall asleep. The bus ride wouldn’t be longer than fifteen minutes, tops, unless they were going somewhere further away than Robbe’s apartment or Sander’s house. Maybe Robbe felt sick.

Sander, in the meantime, seemed oblivious to whatever was wrong with his boyfriend. He and Moyo passed a stress ball back and forth between them with the intent to hit Aaron at a certain spot on his head. Over the past month, Sander had become an indistinguishable member of the group. It was hard for Jens to fathom that he hadn’t always been there, engaging in stupid antics or yelling for people to freeze in different positions so he could photograph them. The absence of bleached-blond awaiting Robbe outside the school would be a major concern.

Not to mention, Sander had gotten all the boys into David Bowie’s music. As he tossed the stress ball across to Moyo, the two of them hummed the tune to Rebel Rebel. 

The amiable mood did not extend to Robbe. He abandoned the notion of sleep quickly, in favor of leaning his head to the other direction. Against the window. Jens hoped Sander would notice and ask about it so that he didn’t have to; now that Sander was around, it struck him as intrusion to inquire of Robbe’s moods. Come to think of it, he didn’t know why he felt that way.

Luckily, neither Sander or Jens needed to speak up.

“Can I tell you guys something… heavy?” Robbe looked out at the passing city as the bus rumbled back to their houses. Jens couldn’t quite read his expression, but he knew that it wasn’t a happy one. Introspective, maybe. Like Robbe was remembering something from a long time ago.

He saw Sander tense up, all traces of laughter and joking gone. Moyo dropped the stress ball to his lap. All three of the other boys looked over at Robbe expectantly.

“Of course, bro,” Jens said. “Always.”

“I should have told you earlier, I just—”

Aaron cut him off. “You don’t have to apologize.”

Robbe said the rest in a single exhale. “I didn’t want to stay because the last time I was there it was to kill myself.”

The words hit Jens like a ball from left field. When had that been? Where was he when Robbe felt that way? Was it recent enough that Sander should know about it? Was it long enough ago that he should’ve known something about it before now if he was really a good friend?

“Why?” asked Aaron.

Jens smacked reached over the back of his seat to smack Aaron in the head, even though he’d been thinking the same thing. “He doesn’t have to tell us why.”

Robbe shook his head and squeezed Sander’s hand. “It’s okay, I want to.” He took a deep breath. “It was months ago. I guess being there just brings back the memories. Things weren’t going well with you—” He raised Sander’s hand slightly. “—and after the attack my mind was already imploding. I kept thinking that if you guys knew I was gay, you’d think I was some different person and hate me. My head told me to disappear, and I went there… it was almost as if I could.”

The other boys gave the explanation time to settle in the air, but Jens was not so inclined. “Hold up, hold up. What attack? You mean the fight you were in?”  
“It wasn’t a fight, it was a—” His breath hitched.

“Fuck man, I’m so sorry about that, I wish you’d never had to doubt us…” Aaron rambled. His speech took the role of background noise. 

Jens didn’t consider himself to be the most observant of people, especially not when it came to body language, but he couldn’t mistake the fact that Sander had gone completely rigid next to Robbe. Something about this wasn’t right anymore.

“It was a…?” Moyo prompted, to return Robbe to the thought.

Robbe turned to meet Sander’s eyes, and when Sander didn’t reciprocate, he redirected his gaze out the window again. “Nothing. It was nothing.” He let go of Sander’s hand.

“Uh, clearly it wasn’t.” Jens wasn’t about to let Robbe pull any bullshit, especially after dropping the bomb that he’d been suicidal because of whatever had happened.

“It was nothing. Forget I said anything.”

Silence fell over the bus. Sander motioned for Moyo to throw him the stress ball again, but Moyo was preoccupied puzzling through whatever the fuck had just happened in front of his eyes. Jens couldn’t blame him. So, something had happened a while ago, involving Sander and a fight that wasn’t a fight. Robbe wouldn’t tell them what. Sander might be a factor in why he wouldn’t tell them. All of this together made Robbe want to jump off a bridge and fall to his death in the water below. 

A lot to process.

When the lack of speech began to get awkward, Aaron stepped up again. “Robbe… you can tell us. We’re your fri—”

“We were beaten up in an alleyway,” said Sander flippantly. Despite the normal expression on his face, his voice had suddenly gone cold as ice. “There were a couple of older guys who saw us kissing outside a bar, and they beat us up and left us on the ground outside.” He softened as he reached to hold Robbe’s hand again. “I’m never going to let that happen to us again, though, I promise.” Robbe leaned back from the glass to accept Sander’s kiss. 

It was one bomb after another today. 1) The hangout place was bad, 2) Robbe had been suicidal, and now 3) Robbe and Sander had been gaybashed outside a bar and decided not to tell Jens, Moyo, or Aaron about in the time since it happened. Jens began to feel like a really shitty friend. He also realized that Sander and Robbe thought the conversation was over now that they’d admitted some of the shit they’d been through.

“You reported it, right?” Moyo asked. 

Sander shrugged, more to himself than in answer. “The police don’t really help you. It’s best to just keep living and try to forget that it happened.” He tried to act passive, but Jens could tell that he wanted the conversation to be over. How had he never heard about this from Robbe before now, months in the aftermath?

Worst friend award, right there. 

Damn it, by being dramatic about not knowing, he was making it about himself. And it wasn’t about him. 

Even worse friend award.

Moyo blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sander slouched over in the seat, probably in the hope it could make him disappear. He could make himself look five times smaller by curling in the slightest amount. “It happens a lot. My dad is a police officer, so he knows about this kind of thing. After the first time it happened, I told him about it and he said it’s better if you don’t get anyone involved if you don’t have to. It just perpetuates things.”

Robbe sat bolt upright. “What do you mean the first time? You mean this has happened before?”

“It’s just something that happens,” Sander repeated. “We can’t catch the guys, so what’s the point of reliving it in front of probably homophobic officers for no payoff at the other end? It’s better just to leave it be. Can we leave it be?”

As respectfully as they’d waited for him to finish speaking, the boys couldn’t control themselves when he was finished. They all clamored in at once.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Who the fuck told you that?”

“Bull-fucking-shit.”

“Leaving it be made me fucking suicidal!” Robbe exclaimed. “I thought they were going to kill us, Sander. They could have killed us!”

“You can’t let people do things like that to you.”

“This is not something that just happens!”

“And guys...” Jens stood up so he could cross over to give Robbe and Sander a hug. “You always have us to talk to. Always. If the police can’t help, we will.”

Serious conversations on the bus tonight. Jens found himself saying his first prayer in ages, one that the strangers nearby wouldn’t wake up to the sound of emotional healing happening behind them.

“That’s it,” Moyo declared. “Our new hangout spot is the police station, and we’re going now.” 

He didn’t even wait for Robbe or Sander to answer before hopping off the bus at the next stop. Everyone else shot down the steps behind him, Jens bringing up the rear.


End file.
